the days of a life

good. bad. ugly.

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happy christmas week

started off the week with a cycle class at the energy lab and i am so happy i got up for the 5:30 start.  it was challenging as always and it feels good to start the week (even a vacation week!) by sweating.

the periodization training is over, but the gifts of the effort keep giving.  the best thing to come out of it is a new relationship with this community of trainers and exercisers. i’m so grateful for a safe space to sweat!

today i received a prize for making the most programmed workouts for the 6 week program - only having missed 2 i believe (it was the stickers really!). it’s a book of positive affirmations i suppose called In the Garden of Thoughts.

so i start this week with one of the thoughts: Do not become a stranger to yourself by blending in with everyone else.

Filed under me project energylab positivethoughts

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50 questions, 50 ways to get to know me.

1:
What would you name your future daughter?
2:
Do you miss anyone?
3:
What if I told you that you were pretty?
4:
Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”?
5:
What are you looking forward to in the next week?
6:
Did you go out or stay in last night?
7:
How late did you stay up last night?
8:
Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past 3 months?
9:
What were you doing at 12:30 this afternoon?
10:
Have you ever told somebody you loved them and not actually meant it?
11:
Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol?
12:
Have you pretended to like someone?
13:
Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?
14:
Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?
15:
Is it hard for you to get over someone?
16:
Think back five months ago, were you single?
17:
Have you ever cried from being so mad?
18:
Hold hands with anyone this week?
19:
Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed?
20:
Who did you last see in person?
21:
What is the last thing you said out lot?
22:
Have you kissed three or more people in one night?
23:
Have you ever been to Paris?
24:
Are you good at hiding your feelings?
25:
Do you use chap stick?
26:
Who did you last share a bed with?
27:
Are you listening to music right now?
28:
What is something you currently want right now?
29:
Were your last three kisses from the same person?
30:
How is your heart lately?
31:
Do you wear the hood on your hoodie?
32:
When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you?
33:
What do people call you?
34:
Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn’t?
35:
Are there any stressful situations in your life?
36:
What are you listening to right now?
37:
What is wrong with you right now?
38:
Love really is a beautiful thing huh?
39:
Do you make wishes at 11:11?
40:
What is on your wrists right now?
41:
Are you single/taken/heartbroken/confused/waiting for the unexpected?
42:
Where did you get the shirt/sweatshirt you’re wearing?
43:
Have you ever regretted kissing someone?
44:
Have you hugged someone within the last week?
45:
Have you kissed anyone in the last five days?
46:
What were you doing at midnight last night?
47:
Do you miss the way things were six months ago?
48:
Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?
49:
Have you ever been to New York?
50:
Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

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13,616

today was the last day of periodization training at The Energy Lab.  i signed myself up as a tactic to help get back into a regular exercise pattern and it wound up hitting me at the root level.  it’s helped me learn more about myself and shift some thinking patterns … or atleast my reactions to challenges.

the best example is the time between weeks 4 and 5. i was really struggling, low energy - not good negative talk. i wasn’t giving up, but i was close.  in the end, i took a bunch of deep breaths and reminded myself that showing up as best i could was the goal. i didn’t need to beat my score every time (whatever the measurement was), i just needed to practice.

practice managing my heart rate.  practice managing my emotions. practice managing my reactions.

by the time the end of week 5 rolled around, my body was feeling better and my mind was stronger. i had some great workouts — and they were fun! and i was so glad that i challenged myself with the hard days so I could experience the fun days.  where - in reality - i met even tougher challenges and i was able to push longer and harder. (hehe)

this is really been the craziest experience.  at the start i told myself to stay open. and for about two weeks or so, i cried during every work out. changing my mind to allow my body to do the work for the whole class —— at whatever level i could muster was incredibly powerful.  and all this emotion was releasing itself from places in my body.  letting it go without analyzing it —- why am i crying? what’s the matter with me? —- these were not questions i considered answering.  i just let the process work. 

next week we will do a benchmark ride to measure progress and then the whole series will start again. new challenges. new wins in my future.

this post is really a reminder for myself.  i am so proud of myself for committing to this experience. to myself. AND a reminder that when it gets tough. and i am really challenged —- take a deep breath. it won’t always be that difficult and that experience of working through it will make me stronger.

Filed under noteToSelf

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Opening your heart and being courageous and telling people that you care about them or like them or that you think they’re special only makes you a better, bigger, kinder, softer, more loving person and only attracts more love in your life.
Amy Poehler   (via nofatnowhip)

(Source: laughingly, via nofatnowhip)

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13,570

i had a major a-ha moment today. you find a zillion affirmations online about this, so why it took so long for me to really understand this concept is beyond me… we all learn at our own pace and in our own ways.

ok so the lesson… the only way i can fail is by not giving my dreams a go.  if i try and fail a thousand times, that’s better than not continuing to learn and grow and work towards my dreams, my goals, my wishes for myself.  the only true failure is not making an honest attempt.

of course this isn’t to say that all dreams where no attempt is made are failures, just that the ones i know i really want. the ones i’d like to move closer to… the ones i’m afraid to say outloud…

be vulnerable. be bold. accept yourself as you are today and start where you are, jess.  Say It Outloud!

Filed under failure goals iam

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a couple things for you this morning — they have detailed word histories coming back on Google when you ask for a definition! that’s neat! 
and I have been thinking a lot about compassion lately. compassion for others and compassion for self — so I looked it up to make sure I knew what it meant. the interesting thing Google told me, in addition to the definition and word history, was its usage over time. if it’s true, that compassion is a missing element in our societies and a key ingredient in self acceptance — this graphic is completely interesting — especially if it’s accurate…

a couple things for you this morning — they have detailed word histories coming back on Google when you ask for a definition! that’s neat!
and I have been thinking a lot about compassion lately. compassion for others and compassion for self — so I looked it up to make sure I knew what it meant. the interesting thing Google told me, in addition to the definition and word history, was its usage over time. if it’s true, that compassion is a missing element in our societies and a key ingredient in self acceptance — this graphic is completely interesting — especially if it’s accurate…

Filed under compassion words self acceptance